Alyssa's first cereal

Tonight I felt like a terrible mother. I don't have those moments that often. I mean in general, I know I'm not perfect in the mommy department and I make mistakes. A lot of them, I'm sure… but for the most part I figure I'm doing a pretty decent job. I know that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter if the house is perfectly clean or if every meal was completely balanced, it matters that they're healthy and happy and very much loved, which, of course, they both are.

But tonight I gave Alyssa her first "solid" food… her first cereal. And now I'm feeling like a jerk. We started her big sister, Amanda, on cereal a full two months earlier when she was a baby and I recall feeling a touch of guilt over that too. Everything I'd read on the subject suggested we wait until she hit the six-month mark because starting earlier could cause allergies or have other problems associated with it. But her doctor suggested we start at four months because Amanda was so big and waking up so often to nurse and she thought solids would fill up her belly a little better and might keep her sleeping a bit longer.

More sleep? I jumped right on that bandwagon and started feeding Amanda cereal the next day. Risking a lifetime of allergies or who knows what in order to get a few more hours of sleep. Way to go, Mommy. Unfortunately cereal didn't help things at all in the sleep department and Amanda wasn't a particularly enthusiastic eater. She was always wildly enthusiastic about nursing but the other stuff? She could take it or leave it.

So the first cereal milestone was not one I was terribly excited about this time around. Our doctor said we could start Alyssa at four months if we wanted to, but since she was sleeping well, we could wait until six months if we preferred. No reason to mess with a good thing.

So my plan was to start cereal on Alyssa's six-month birthday but we weren't at home that day. We'd made sort of a spur of the moment trip to Monterey, and packing rice cereal had been the last thing on my mind. So I decided we'd wait til we got home and then for various reasons we didn't get around to trying cereal until tonight. I didn't think she'd be that interested anyway. I hadn't noticed her tracking my fork from food to mouth or any of the signs you're supposed to look for. Plus Alyssa is pretty laid back about the whole nursing thing compared to her sister. Don't get me wrong, she's always been a good nurser, I've never had any problems with her, but compared to Amanda she seems to have such self-control and restraint.

I chose to do on-demand feedings with both girls. With Amanda, I felt like a full-service-bar with a flashing neon-sign on my chest glowing "open 24 hours" and Amanda would stumble in at all hours with that frenzied, half starving look and I'd be like the harried waitress, rolling my eyes, but never able to say no to a paying customer, whipping the boob out yet again… and she would eat noisily, making slurpy, happy sounds the whole time...and then if it were nighttime or naptime she'd often fall asleep with that satisfied, half-drunken look about her, my boob still in her mouth and I'd count to 20 or 30 or 60 and then hold my breath and slowly and quietly, so as not to disturb, pry my boob from her mouth. At which point she would usually start searching around, like hey, hey, hey… don't take that away, I was still eating… and so I would wait, again, until she drifted off to sleep and try the routine all over again.

Sometimes this went on endlessly until I thought I might lose my mind. And then when I was finally free, I would breathe a huge sigh of relief, roll over and attempt to get some sleep myself or if it was daytime, attempt to get something done. But then at some point she would stir in her sleep and wake up looking for the boob. I swear it felt like she needed to know where my boobs were at all times. I always imagined she must feel something like a homeless person, sleeping with one eye open in case someone tried to steal her shopping cart.

Though nursing Amanda was wonderful, being a human pacifier was not particularly fun. Luckily it hasn’t been that way with Alyssa at all. She shows up right on schedule (her idea, not mine), she orders politely, she eats in a very dignified manner and when she's done, she's done. I expected her first cereal experience to be a similar thing but it wasn't.

You know that thing they do on Survivor every season where after the contestents have been existing on rocks and leaves for months, they auction off a chocolate bar and a spoonful of peanut butter and six women scratch each others' eyes out for their chance at it? That was Alyssa and her rice cereal. The girl was deadly serious about that cereal.
From the very first bite she ate like she was completely ravenous. We couldn't shovel the food in fast enough to keep her happy. She tried to assist in the process, helping her dad get the spoon into her mouth, grabbing for the bowl, because I think she knew she could do it more efficiently. When Amanda asked if she could feed her, I said, "be careful," a warning I offer on a regular basis, but this time I was more concerned for Amanda's safety, slightly afraid Alyssa might chew one of Amanda's fingers off… you know, if she had teeth.

So I sat there photographing every bite, feeling like a total jerk. Poor kid was clearly HUNGRY. Who knows how long she'd been waiting for this meal? And me just taking my sweet time. Oh well… Live and learn. She has a full belly now, and she'll be well fed from here on out. Time to move on to my next dumb parenting moment.