The Chaos Report

Things have been even more chaotic than usual around here. First of all we've got major plumbing problems. A lot of the houses around here have plumbing issues so this is nothing new to us but it's worse than ever right now. And my adorable perfectionist husband doesn't trust a plumber to fix things, so for as long as we've lived here, he's been handling the problems himself. The one and only time we did have a plumber here, shortly after we moved in, they sent out a female plumber, which I thought was cool, but it freaked Scott out a bit and he became more determined than ever to handle this stuff himself.

For some reason our washing machine drains into the sink in our garage and when the drain starts to get clogged, I can't get through a complete load of wash without turning the machine off to let the sink drain. I'm admittedly scatterbrained which leads to much excitement around here and we have floods on occasion. I also can't do dishes at the same time I do laundry since the kitchen sink and dishwasher also drain into the garage sink, causing the same flood issues. Did I mention that I’m scatterbrained in addition to having a couple little distractions running around here?

The last time Scott tried to fix the clogged drain, he broke a pipe. Currently the garage sink drains directly under the house, which is not a good thing. Right now, I'm not allowed to use the kitchen sink and I've been instructed to use the dishwasher and washing machine as sparingly as possible. So the laundry and dishes are piling up. But the good news that Scott is actually considering hiring a real live plumber!!! Does anybody know a good plumber? He won't trust just anybody and I'm not sure how much longer I can take this.

In addition to the plumbing problems, we also have ANTS. I hate ants! They're driving me crazy!!! I swear they’re like really bad houseguests. We finally get rid of them and breathe a huge sigh of relief. Then just when things are getting back to normal we wake up and they’re back again and they’ve brought friends. HUNDREDS of friends.

I've tried a few child-safe options in an effort to get rid of them... bowls of vinegar... ha...chalk and baby powder... supposedly hey won't walk through it. This actually seems to work but only until they find a new entry point. I can only imagine that they're laughing at me back at the colony. Baby powder??? You've got to be kidding! Yes they’ve been here for so long that I’ve begun talking to them and trying to figure out what they’re thinking.

Oh and they're coming in from UNDER OUR HOUSE... so it's not like we can just spray them with Raid or something... I asked Scott if we could get Stan-the-Termite-Man to spray for them and he said, “No! Ants are good. They kill termites.” Yes, but isn’t that why we’re paying Stan-the-Termite-Man? There’s no doubt in my mind that my darling frugal husband just doesn’t want to pay Stan to spray for the ants.

I finally gave up on the child-friendly stuff and and bought some ant-bait. They’re supposed to come in to get it and then carry it back to their colony and it’s supposed to kill them all. Supposed to. Sigh… The first kind of bait failed miserably. I moved on to a different brand and so far so good. They've been gone for a couple of days and every morning I wake up just hoping not to find them all over my kitchen or anywhere else in the house.

By the way, should you ever reach the level of insanity that I have, where you become fascinated with your nasty little ant-houseguests and start watching them like they’re the ant farm you never had or wanted, I highly recommend the type of bait that has a see- through lid. The first kind of bait was just frustrating. I had no clue if they were taking it or not. The see-through lid is far more satisfying because you can see them all in there dancing around… Ant party in the ant poison! Woo hoo! Eat up, guys… you’re all gonna die… But the next time I looked, the bait was empty save for two dead ants. That just ticked me off. Couldn’t they have gone somewhere else to die? I mean seriously, if you heard about a great party with great food but you showed up and there were a couple of dead guys laying there, would you stick around? Probably not.

The good thing is that so far the ants have only been in the bathrooms. I can’t figure that out. I swear that my children sprinkle crumbs throughout the house like fairies sprinkle fairy dust and have I mentioned yet that I broke the vacuum cleaner while I was sucking up ants? And don’t forget about the pile of dishes because I can’t use my kitchen sink or dishwasher. So it's bizarre to me that the ants haven’t left the bathrooms. It’s like they’ve landed right next to a fabulous vacation resort with all you can eat buffets as far as the eye can see but for some reason they’ve never left the airport.