Shirley Goodness

My mom and I spent several weeks last October collecting stories and photos and putting together this Shutterfly album to celebrate my brother, Dan’s, 40th birthday. Every time I came up with another story from our childhood, my mom would ask, “What’s going to happen when YOU turn 40? You know you’re probably going to have to make your own album, right?” She was sort of kidding, but not really.

I’m the one who does this kind of thing, this scrapbooking kind of thing, that is... so if I want an album I will probably have to make it myself. Which is fine. But it’s so much easier getting motivated to surprise someone else. I just can’t see working myself into a frenzy to "surprise" myself. Luckily I do have a long, long time before I turn 40… well, unless I choose to live in reality and then I don't actually have that long… ACCCCCH… I hate reality.

Anyway, instead of putting it off until the last second, which is what I would normally do, I think I'll try to write about some random memories from my past every now and then right here on my blog. Lucky you! Lately, Amanda and I have talked a lot about what it was like when I was in Kindergarten so I’m starting with a Kindergarten memory.

I went to a private Christian school for elementary and junior high. I’m not sure if this happened on my very first day of school but it happened the first time we went to chapel, so it was some time in the first week. We sang a hymn about the 23rd Psalm and the chorus went like this:

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days, all the days of my life;
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days, all the days of my life.

Nobody ever explained and I was too embarrassed to ask, so my little five-year-old brain was left to wonder: Who IS Shirley Goodness and WHY is she following me?

She had her own song, so I knew she was really important. But why hadn't anyone ever mentioned her to me before? My mind ran rampant with the possibilities: Was she like Santa Claus and she would bring presents? Or like the Easter Bunny and she’d bring candy? And who was Mercy? Was he her sidekick? Were they superheroes like Batman and Robin or did they have their own variety show like Sonny & Cher?

The most disturbing part was that she was going to follow me every single day for the rest of my life. I spent a lot of time looking back over my shoulder that year. I assumed the whole "following" thing was along the same lines as the "you better watch out, you better not pout, better not cry I'm telling you why..." thing. But let's be realistic, Santa obviously wasn't watching that closely. I cried and pouted on a regular basis and still got Christmas gifts but what if Shirley was more of a stickler for the rules? And forever? This lady was hardcore. As far as I knew, Santa and the Easter Bunny only trailed children but this chick was gonna follow me FOREVER. That's an awfully long time to be good.

My niece, Courtney, transferred to my old school when she was in 3rd or 4th grade and I pulled her aside to warn her about Shirley Goodness. Because I only wish that someone had warned me. She thought it was pretty funny and for weeks afterwards I got phone calls in her little voice saying, “Hello, is this Dione? This is Shirley… and I’ve been following you…”