Ten Minutes

These pictures were taken last weekend while the girls and I were waiting to go to Costco with Scott. They were going stir-crazy by the time I finally managed to pry Scott off the couch to start his ten-minutes-to-out-the-door routine. So to entertain them for a bit, we headed outside and took some self-portraits with the remote for my camera. Mostly the girls just fought over the remote, which is supposed to be so tiny that you can't see it in photos but it didn't turn out that way. I guess I could edit the remote out of the pictures but right now it makes me laugh because I spent so much time telling the girls to keep it down and out of view and then I notice that I'm the doofus holding it up to the camera for all to see.

"I can be ready in ten minutes."

I’ve heard that line approximately three million, four thousand, five hundred and forty-six times during my relationship with Scott. I don’t know if it’s a guy thing or just a Scott thing but he swears that he can be ready for ANYTHING in 10 minutes. From a prone position in front of the TV or sound asleep in bed he can be showered, shaved, dressed and out the door in 10 minutes. Whether it’s a trip to the mall, or the end of the world. Just give him 10 minutes warning. He will be ready.

AND he would prefer that the girls and I be completely ready to go before the 10-minute warning is given. If he could have it his way we would not only be READY but sitting in the car with the engine running. Because nothing on earth is worse than sitting around waiting for your wife to get ready. Because you never know how long that could take.

Because after your wife says she’s ready she always has at least eight more things to do before she’s actually ready… And even then she probably won’t really be ready. She’ll have to run back inside for the sippy cup she left on the counter or run to the bathroom just one last time or SOMETHING.

You might be wondering if he can actually get ready in ten minutes, and yes, he can. Because anything he can’t actually achieve within ten minutes can simply be delegated to ME.

In the early years of our relationship, many a battle was fought during the 10 minutes before we were supposed to walk out the door before a wedding or Thanksgiving dinner, when I would already be running around like a crazy woman and he would say, “Could you find me some brown shoe polish?” or “Can you find me some black socks?” or “These grey pants don’t fit me anymore, can you find me something else to wear?” or my personal favorite, “Hey, could you iron this shirt for me?”

Can I iron this shirt for you? Are you f*#ing nuts?

Those might sound like reasonable requests to most people but being ready on time has always been something I’ve struggled with. A lot. I know this about myself so if I’m going somewhere important I do as much preparation ahead of time as possible. This includes getting clothes, shoes, jewelry and any other random accessories all lined up and ready to go. During that preparation time I ask Scott, usually multiple times what he’s going to wear and almost invariably he will say, “I don’t know. Don’t worry about it,” or “I’ll figure it out later.”

Uh huh. I know exactly when you’re gonna figure it out.

But that particular battle ended long ago when I started telling him if he needed anything found, washed, shined or ironed he better tell me long before it was time to leave because I would not be available at ten minutes before take-off.

I knew just how far we’d come when shopping for work clothes for the job he’s doing now. He carefully checked all the labels and wouldn’t buy anything unless it was marked “wrinkle-free” or “no ironing.” When he told the sales guy “My wife doesn’t like to iron,” other women might have been embarrassed but I wanted to kiss him right there in the middle of the department store. Ahh, look at him, he’s come so far!

And as long as I’m wandering off in random directions I will never forget when maybe a year or two into our relationship, we broke up for a while. It was a friendly break up that we’d both agreed was for the best and in a very un-Scott like moment during the big break-up speech, he wanted to talk about what we’d learned from each other.

Anyone who knows us knows that Scott is an extremely practical guy and I am his polar opposite. So I guess it makes sense that when he reeled off his list of what he’d learned from me they weren’t practical things at all… they were in fact very warm and fuzzy things… I wish I could remember now what they were, but imagine Scott saying something like, “I’ve learned to look for the good in people and to stop and smell the flowers and that sometimes it’s okay to let people go in front of you in line at the store, and always take your shoes off when walking through the grass…” It was total sunshine and puppies stuff. Totally not Scott, but totally me.

I was STUNNED. But then when he asked what I’d learned from him I just blurted out: “OH! I learned that if you fold or hang up your clothes as soon as you take them out of the drier you will never have to iron again!”

He was also stunned. But not in a good way. “That’s it? That’s what you’ve learned from me?” he asked, totally deflated and sad.

"Well no of course not. But that’s one of the big ones. I didn’t mean anything bad by it. Not at all. I mean do you know how many hours of my life I’ve wasted IRONING? I totally could have spent all that time smelling the flowers or running barefoot through the grass. It’s big. But I’ve learned other things too. Like do tons of research before making any large purchase. Never buy anything unless it’s on sale. Coupons are our friends. Max out your retirement plan. Never ever use the ATM at someone else’s bank…Open an IRA. Lots of stuff! Really, I’m a better person for knowing you, okay?"

But the ironing thing? That's huge.