All in a day's work

Yesterday, in addition to the normal everyday messes, I cleaned up the following:

• A full cup of piping hot coffee and the broken pieces of a coffee mug off the bathroom floor, walls and toilet (my fault)

• A puddle of cat puke off the living room carpet (cat’s fault)

• A piece of Styrofoam packing, ripped into teeny tiny pieces and scattered all over my bed and floor (Alyssa’s fault. She was supposed to be quietly watching a show with her sister. Amanda didn’t report the incident until it looked like the ceiling had opened up just in time for a snowstorm. When I asked Amanda why she hadn’t taken the Styrofoam away or come to tell me earlier she said. "Well I was going to but she was having so much fun!")

• A whole gallon of spilled apple juice (Amanda fault. And can I tell you, I’m still shocked at how far a gallon of STICKY liquid can travel when dropped from two or three feet above the floor. The plastic jug broke when it hit, it splashed nearly 6 feet up on one wall, all over a bookshelf, all over Alyssa and Amanda, all over the kitchen counters and covered a large portion of the kitchen and dining room floor, including under the refrigerator which is always fun. Though Amanda shouldn’t have attempted it, I knew it was an accident, so I tried to remain calm. Turns out it doesn’t matter if you say, “It’s no big deal, you didn’t mean to do it, no really it’s okay!” if you say it like a completely hysterical insane woman. Apparently it’s all in the delivery and if you say it wrong, your five year old will go flying into her room under the assumption that she will be in trouble for the rest of her life. BUT NO REALLY. IT’S OKAY.)

• About a gazillion pennies off the dining room floor (Alyssa’s fault…and if you’ve never had to pick up a gazillion pennies you would be surprised to find how time-consuming it actually is no matter how many techniques you try. The only thing that would have made this chore worse would have been if the pennies had been poured out onto the sticky apple-juice covered portion of the floor. Okay, if the cat-puke had been involved it would have been much, much worse. If the cat starts puking up pennies you won’t be hearing from me until I return from a short stay at a privately run mental institution.)