Just another day

Yesterday was the worst day of Amanda's life. First a birthday party at school, complete with frost-it-yourself cupcakes followed by a playdate with Brandon who is the boy Amanda is just friends with but might marry. Then she played with Rilie for a few hours and they had a tea party with real food and apple juice which they managed to enthusiastically spill EVERYWHERE.

That was followed by this sweet and seemingly harmless request to play a board game which actually meant they were going to remove every single these-toys-are-on-the-top-closet-shelf-for-a-reason games, toys and crafts and spread the parts and pieces as far as they could within a three mile radius.

When I went in to check on how the board game was going, Rilie was trying to tear open a baggy of glitter glue with her teeth. She managed to get all the tubes of paint and the petrified clay that smelled like a toxic waste dump open all by herself. "Umm, yeah... Rilie we don't paint on Amanda's bed."

Oh! But I was proud... I'd spent hours cleaning her room this weekend because it was BAD so I was being all MOM with Amanda and Rilie and kept telling them they had to clean up one thing before they started on another. Figured they'd be in there FOREVER.

But a couple of minutes later they reported they were done and started their next project. I thought they must be lying so I went in there and the place was spotless. I checked all the obvious places...under the bed, in the drawers... and then finally found all the stuff crammed haphazardly into the closet behind the loft bed. Definitely not where it was supposed to go. Yet I was proud. Another milestone... Amanda's first time cleaning her room in the sneakiest way possible.

Then Rilie went home and I made Amanda take a bath without her bathing suit because I am the meanest mom in the entire world. That's when it became the worst day of her entire life.

Alyssa insisted on wearing her ballerina dress to pick-up Amanda from school yesterday. I compromised and said yes to the dress and no to the slutty princess shoes which turned out to be a wise decision considering the impromptu playdate that followed Amanda prefers to just call it a "date" as she's getting a bit old for playdates. And because it was with Brandon and any girl would be lucky to have a date with him.

A while ago Amanda and Alyssa were blocking the walkway in my bedroom and after I'd asked about six times for them to move so I could get to the bathroom while they completely ignored me, perhaps because they thought I was talking to someone else, I finally said loudly, "BOTH OF YOU MOVE IT NOW!!!" and then continued to rant about how I expect them to listen when I talk and haven't I told them a billion times not to block the walkway and...

That's when Alyssa looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Mommy why you tabby?" which when translated means, Mommy why are you crabby?" or more likely, "Mommy why are you acting like a crazy lunatic bitch when we were just trying to play Barbies?" I started laughing and then we all did, as we all repeated what became my favorite phrase of the day. "Why you tabby?" Great question.

A while after I'd put Alyssa to bed she came running out to see me and I said, "How about you go get back into bed now?" and she jumped into my lap and said, "How about NO?"

She's full of them this morning too. Before school she informed me that my butt was upside down and as I put her into her carseat she said, "It tastes like a dirty muffin in here."