(Im)patiently waiting for my "surprise" birthday photo book

Most of you know that I’m the photo book maker in my family. I’ve made gift books for several family members and friends over the years but honestly never expected to receive one as a gift myself. When I made Dan and Darin’s birthday books, my mom kept joking that when my 40th birthday rolled around, I would have to make my own book. I thought I probably would too. EXCEPT that at the end of April, several months before my birthday, I was accidentally blind-copied on an email from my sister, trying to track down email addresses of my friends for the photo book they were putting together in my honor for my 40th birthday.

I was totally shocked and excited because YAY! They’re making me a photo book! I immediately decided that I would keep the news to myself because the surprise element has always been one of the most fun parts of making a photo book for me. I didn’t want to ruin that for my family. So I did a little happy dance and prepared to wait patiently.

Except, as it turns out, I’m not nearly as patient as I thought I was.

The first person I spilled my guts to was my sister-in-law, Cara. She was listed on that first email so I knew she was involved. Plus we’re very close so I knew she wouldn’t rat me out. Her response: Huge relief. She said she was sorry the surprise was ruined but she had stories to tell and I was the only one who could truly appreciate them. Most of these stories revolved around the fact that…and I quote… “your family is NUTS!”

I hope nobody is offended by this… I adore my family, every single member… if you’ve seen my Shutterfly gallery you’ll know I cherish them, BUT they do come equipped with a normal amount of crazy. We’re just one big happy, though slightly dysfunctional family, like most families, I think. So when my sister-in-law said that, I just nodded my head and smiled a knowing smile. And asked her to tell me everything, of course.

It seems that when my sister-in-law received that first email, she responded by saying that she would be happy to help in any way. She could gather photos, edit text, whatever they needed. My mother responded by saying, she was incredibly grateful and ever-so-relieved and appreciative for my sister-in-law’s generous offer to MAKE THE ENTIRE BOOK.

HUH?

My sister-in-law said she reread her own email at least 50 times and couldn’t figure out how the mistake had been made, but decided that rather than argue, she would make the book. Not only that, but she decided that to make a book that I deserved (her words, not mine :-)) she wanted to make it in Photoshop and then print it through Shutterfly (of course!). My mom was even more thrilled when she heard that. She told my sister-in-law that she’d wanted to learn Photoshop for a long time so this was going to be great and she would love to sit with her while she did it. So yes, at this point my mom has managed to volunteer my sister-in-law to a) make my photo book and b) teach her Photoshop in the process.

Mind you, the photo book part is somewhat amusing because not only have I made more than one gift album for my sister-in-law, but also she has pushed off nearly every photo project that came her way on me in kind of a “ha ha… it sucks to be the creative one, doesn’t it?” kind of way. So the photo book part I didn’t feel that bad about… The teaching my mom Photoshop part however, I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.

I adore my mother, truly, I do. She is one of the most creative people I’ve ever met and watching her make amazing, funny, creative handmade gifts all my life is probably the main reason I make photo books now BUT I’ve spent at least 15 years trying to teach the woman how to “copy & paste” on her computer. Photoshop isn’t something she should attempt. It’s just not.

I gave my sister-in-law every bit of photo book/working with my mom advice I could think of, including “whatever you do, do not give her your phone number.” She said, “Funny, both of your sisters gave me that same advice”, along with my sincerest apologies, wished her well and then waited patiently for my photo book.

Except I’m not that patient.

The next person I spilled my guts to was one of my closest friends, Wendy, my photo-fanatic-Shutterfly-photo-book-making-friend. She said I should tell my sister-in-law that she would love to help. I said yeah that would be great. But whatever you do, don’t mention that to my mom. She was also oh so very “you just put this whole thing out of your mind” about it. Which was really no fun at all. I said, “As long as the surprise is ruined I might as well enjoy this right? And how better to enjoy it then with some behind-the-scenes-dirt?” But she said, “Just put it out of your mind and try to be patient.”

But you know I’m not good at that.

Luckily I would get an occasional puzzling call from my sister-in-law. “Do you know what alliteration means?” Umm… I think so… It’s when you repeat the first letter in several words in a…”

“Ha! I knew it! Your mom didn’t think… She’s just questioning every single thing I… no…I’m biting my tongue. I told myself I would bite my tongue until this was over. I’m biting my tongue.”

“Oh come on. That’s no fun,” I pleaded. “I’m really concerned that a lot of the very most amusing details could be forgotten by then. Or that you won’t be speaking to me… Come on. You can tell me.”

“Nope. I’m biting my tongue. You’ll just have to be patient.”

Of course. I’ll do that.

So then I went on vacation for a week with Beth, another close friend from childhood. And how could I NOT spill my guts to her? She was greatly relieved because she’d almost accidentally slipped at least four times on the ride up and did I know that my mom was contacting my ex-boyfriends and asking them to contribute to my photo book? I-yi-yi. Oh but only a couple of them. Ex-boyfriend A, who my mom detested and Ex-boyfriend B, who she adored (both from the high school/very young adult era).

I often don’t understand the way my mom’s brain works. The fact that she felt the need to contact ex-boyfriends at all is weird to me. After all, I am married with children now. The fact that she took the time to locate an ex-boyfriend she couldn’t stand? Even weirder. Then my friend tells me that, even better, she told Ex-boyfriend A (who she detested) that she didn’t like his contribution and asked him to revise it! Wheeeeee! This is fun. Please tell me she doesn’t have the email addresses of my former employers? Perhaps I should whip up a list of my worst enemies?

But by the time my sister-in-law called to ask how I felt about having ex-boyfriends in the book, I said as long as the contributions are tasteful and it’s not totally in-your-face that they are exes I would let it go. My husband isn’t a jealous guy. And she didn’t need another battle to fight with my mom.

Next I heard from one of my close friends that trouble was brewing… and they didn’t want to bother me with it but… “Oh come on YOU HAVE TO TELL ME NOW,” I insisted.

So apparently in an effort to prod my husband (her brother) into finally getting his contribution in, my sister-in-law had jokingly said something along the lines of, “Come on. How’s it going to look if all of her ex-boyfriends took the time to write but her own husband didn’t?” She thought he would be amused.

He wasn’t amused.

“Her mom is contacting ex-boyfriends?!?”

So then my sister-in-law and my mom argued over whether or not the ex-boyfriend pages should be in the book. Obviously my sister-in-law thought they shouldn’t be. But my mom was hell-bent on keeping them in. Because she was sure that I would want them in.(???) Well gee it’s too bad this is a surprise or they could ask me.

Eventually the ex-boyfriend pages were removed. And then I just went back to being patient.

Well my version of being patient. Which meant I tried my very hardest not to stick my nose into it at all… really, I did… because with my sister-in-law in charge I knew the book would be amazing. It’s just that now and then I would get curious. And sometimes I couldn’t avoid asking a question. Like the time I wondered aloud to one of my friends, “Gee I wonder if anyone asked my kids to contribute… probably, right? But you know how some people don’t think kids have… oh never mind, not my business…"

The very next day my sister-in-law called. I anxiously awaited some frustrated rant about my mother but instead, “Hey, is Amanda around?” Ah ha. “Sure. Just a second.” I said, pretending we both didn’t know what this was about.

Amanda took the phone and after a second, shot me a look, scurried off to her bedroom and shut her door behind her.

Darn it.

Several minutes later she returned to playing and I casually drilled her for details. “Hey, so what did Aunt Cara want?”

“Nothing.” She answered each of my questions either with that or something equally as informative. Clearly she’d been sworn to secrecy. How annoying.

But then there was this: “Oh, I told her that story about the time you had the toilet seat cover stuck to your butt.”

“You told her what? (pause.) What about the rule?”

“What rule?”

“You know what rule, Amanda. The what-happens-in-the-bathroom-stays-in-the-bathroom rule… or to be more specific the what-happens-in-the-amusement-park-bathroom-after-mommy-feels-like-she’s-going-to-puke-her-guts-out-after-riding-that-awful-banana-ride stays in the the-amusement-park-bathroom-after-mommy-feels-like-she’s-going-to-puke-her-guts-out-after-riding-that-awful-banana-ride rule.”

“Oh. Sorry Mommy!” she said as she returned to her Barbies.

No problem. I knew that story was totally making it into my book now. Which is perfect. Because I was wondering how I could get the Dione-with-a-toilet-seat-cover-stuck-to-her-butt story published in the Shutterfly Gallery. Awesome.

So then I started thinking… Amanda only talked to her aunt for a few minutes. How did that specific story come up so fast? CRAP. What if this book is "Dione’s Top 40 most embarrassing moments" or something?

Nah… they wouldn’t do that to me…. Or would they?

“Hey Amanda, Cara didn’t ask to talk to Alyssa?”

“Nope. I’m supposed to talk to Alyssa and then she’ll call me back tomorrow."

Perfect. That should give you two more time to come up with another embarrassing story. I’ll just wait patiently. My birthday is rapidly approaching. I can wait.

Except that at some point I heard that the book was complete…and honestly was washed over by the same huge amount of relief that I feel when I complete one of my own photo books... but that my birthday party… the one to celebrate my July 23rd birthday and be presented with the much awaited photo book…was expected to be held sometime in LATE AUGUST.

HUH?

Seriously. I’m trying to be patient but this is getting ridiculous. I explained to my sister-in-law that yeah, my family sees no problem with delaying things to a more convenient time so as not to disrupt schedules. We’ve even been known to put the occasional body on ice so that the funeral could be held at a more convenient time. No really, we have.

Normally I’m okay with this. I’m usually a “just roll with it” kind of girl. I can live without a party. Absolutely. But come on people. I’M WAITING ON A PHOTO BOOK HERE.

About a week after my birthday, Ex-boyfriend A (the one my mother detests) tracked me down on facebook, wished me a happy a belated birthday and asked me how I liked the photo book my mom had put together and asked if his contribution had made the cut.

Photo book? What photo book? I don’t know a thing about any photo book.

It was right about at this point that I told this story on my Shutterfly Gallery Guru message board. It's a small private message board, and I figured, who better to tell then a group of people who love making photo books as much as I do? I wish I’d posted the story earlier. They seemed nearly as anxious to see the photo book as I was, which was nice. Up until then, I felt like the only one on the planet who hadn't seen the book. Having company was nice.

A couple of days before my birthday party I started getting nervous that I wouldn't be able to act surprised about the book. I am NOT a good actress and at that point I figured it was going to take all of my self-control not to walk into the party and demand, "Hand over the photo book and nobody gets hurt!" When I told my sister-in-law I was nervous about it, she said, "No worries. All you have to do is cry."

Crying would be easy. I am a crier. Cara knew I would cry. I knew I would cry. My mother included a box of Kleenex with the book because she knew I would cry. I cry at complete strangers' books in the Shutterfly gallery on a regular basis. I nearly cried three times on the way to the party just thinking about my book. But with every eye on me, not to mention cameras and video cameras trained to capture my reaction, I, who desperately hates to be the center of attention, barely worked up a tear. I hope it was completely obvious that I was thrilled to itty bitty pieces though. Trust me, I couldn’t have been any happier. It's the best birthday gift in the universe.

When I woke up at 4:30am the next morning thinking about some detail from the book, I suddenly remembered that the book was now mine (FINALLY!) and I could read it any time I wanted. So I got up and bawled my eyes out as I read it from cover to cover while drinking coffee and eating leftover birthday cake. (Please don't tell my mom. I swear I didn't get chocolate on the book!)

Anyway, as I've already said, I LOVE the book. It's so much fun to be on the receiving end of a photo book. It was totally worth the long and somewhat torturous wait. By the way, I felt totally guilty lying to my mom when she casually asked at the party, "You didn't know, right?" so I ended up spilling my guts to my mom and sisters the very next day.
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Since the text is hard to read for some in Shutterfly, Cara was kind enough to put together a slideshow version. Hopefully you'll be able to view these pages a bit larger. It looks like only partial pages show up after I post this. I think my blog margins are too narrow or something BUT if you do want to see larger versions of the pages then click on the photo. The "view all images" tab may give you an error message, but clicking on the photo should take you to the album where you can zoom in and get huge versions of each page.