Public Bathrooms

Lately, public bathrooms have become wildly entertaining to Alyssa. A couple of weeks ago we went to a movie and then out to lunch, but I think the bathroom was the highlight of the day for Alyssa.

When she jumped off of the toilet and it automatically flushed, she was mad at me. "I wanted to do it!" But then it flushed again and her jaw dropped. "MAGIC!?!" she said.

A minute later it was time to wash her hands. She looked at me funny because there were no handles to turn on the faucet. So when I showed her how to wave her hands to start the water she, again, was stunned. "It's magic!" Yeah wait until I show you how to dry them, kid. Wheeeeeeee... The line of women watching us were just giggling as she chanted, "Magic, magic, MAGIC!!!"

The photo was taken last week in a different bathroom when she was having a blast playing with the hand-dryer. She's at just the perfect height so that she can not only reach the dryer, but have her face almost blown off by the blast of warm air. She thought it was great fun and repeated the process until I made her stop.

Believe it or not we have taken her to public bathrooms before. It's not like when we go to McDonalds and she jumps on the Ronald McDonald statue's lap and yells, "Mickey Mouse!" and I don't bother to mention that we're not actually in Disneyland.

We haven't taken her to Disneyland yet, but she's been in public bathrooms. I avoid them as much as humanly possible though, because they totally gross me out. Not sure if my dislike for them is in the normal range but I always think maybe I'm a bit over-the-top. I especially notice this when we're camping. For the most part, I'm pretty laid-back about dirt. Kids get dirty. That's life. But I always wonder if the girls are thinking Mommy is a little bit crazy when one minute I'm letting them play in the dirt and the next minute, upon entering a fairly clean looking camp bathroom, I go all psycho, warning, "Don't touch ANYTHING! It's dirty in here!"

Umm, we're practically coated in mud, Mom, and you don't want us to get dirty?

A visit to a public bathroom with a preschooler is the worst. If you haven't experienced it yourself, consider yourself lucky. You'll pull out the paper seat cover, and place it carefully on the seat, ensuring there is complete coverage so your precious darling's innocent little bottom will be well protected from the nasty germ-infested seat, then you'll lower the little darling onto the seat, s-l-o-w-l-y so as not to create even a slight breeze that might send the critical paper shield flying off... you'll do this while chanting don't touch ANYTHING, I will hold you.

But if that precious little darling has a mind of her own, she may just jump from your arms and announce, "Nooooo I can do it myself!" while yanking the paper off of the seat, seconds before she grabs onto the disgusting toilet to give her some leverage so she can jump on and then she'll sit there holding onto the nasty toilet with both hands. You will simply have to look on in horror as she proudly announces "I peeing!" to all who are interested. Try to remain calm because next she will probably jump off of the toilet and reach for the flusher with her HAND.

Any public restroom-hater knows you should only use your foot to push down that little flush lever. But she will have no fear. Don't stand around wallowing in disgusted horror for too long though, because if you do she will drop down on all fours to peer into the next stall and then you'll have to douse her from head-to-toe with that anti-bacterial hand-stuff and then take her home to give her at least eight baths. Whoever invented this product knows exactly what I'm talking about.

Seeing Alyssa so excited about public bathrooms leaves me nervous. Because now that she's decided how much fun they are I'm afraid we'll be visiting them way more often than I'd like. I can say no to the toy store and no to Disneyland (okay McDonalds… she doesn't need to know!) but it's not like I can really say NO when she starts doing the potty-dance and it won't be long until she figures this out. Wish me luck. And if anybody knows where you can buy disposable haz-mat suits in toddler sizes please let me know.